英語(yǔ)笑話:Do What You Can 盡力而為就好
一、In a courtroom, the judge sentenced a criminal to thirty years in prison and the prisoner said, "But Sir, I won’t live that long!"So the judge replied, "Don't worry, just do what you can!"
在法庭上，法官宣判某個(gè)罪犯要服三十年徒刑。犯人說：“不過庭上，我活不了那么久啊!”法官說：“別擔(dān)心!你盡力而為就好。”
二、A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, "Here lies John Kelly, a lawyer and an honest man.""How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."
有一個(gè)人參觀墓地時(shí)見到一塊墓碑上寫著：“在這里安息的是約翰凱利，一個(gè)律師，一個(gè)誠(chéng)實(shí)的人。”“這是怎么回事!”他叫了起來。“他們?cè)谝粋�(gè)墳?zāi)沽寺窳巳齻�(gè)人。”
三、A newspaper once carried an editorial which stated bluntly(坦率地) that half the city council were crooks. Under penalty of arrest, the editor issued following retraction(撤銷) : Half the city council aren't crooks.
一次，一份報(bào)紙刊登了一篇社論，直接指出市議會(huì)里有一半人是騙子。在被罰以拘留后，編輯發(fā)表了以下聲明：市議會(huì)里有一半人不是騙子。
四、Lawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?Witness: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the Sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.
律師：你說你離事故現(xiàn)場(chǎng)約有35英尺，你能看清多遠(yuǎn)的東西?證人：這么說吧，早上起床后我看見太陽(yáng)，別人告訴我這大約有9300萬(wàn)英里遠(yuǎn)。
五、A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand."I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge."Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head.
"You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case at a time."
一位法官問我們這群修補(bǔ)陪審員是否有人應(yīng)當(dāng)免權(quán)。一個(gè)人舉起了手。“我的左耳聽不見。”那人告訴法官。“你的'右邊耳朵聽得見嗎?”法官問道。那人點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭。“你將被允許加入陪審團(tuán)，”法官宣布。“我們每次只聽一面之辭。”
六、A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
醫(yī)生和律師正在一個(gè)宴會(huì)上交談。他們的談話常被一些人打斷，那些人向醫(yī)生描述自己的病癥，期望獲得免費(fèi)的治療建議。如此這般一個(gè)鐘頭后，醫(yī)生有點(diǎn)惱火，于是他問律師：“如果不在辦公時(shí)間，你是怎么阻止人們向你咨詢法律問題的?”
“我會(huì)給他們建議，”律師回答，“然后我會(huì)給他們寄去帳單”。醫(yī)生很震驚，但他還是決定這么試一試。第二天，帶著點(diǎn)犯罪感，他準(zhǔn)備了帳單。當(dāng)他準(zhǔn)備將它們放到郵箱里時(shí)，發(fā)現(xiàn)了一張來自律師的帳單。
七、A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. "you're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker".The man quickly responds, "The attorney's"."Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"The man says, "I already know enough. Social workers have bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"
一個(gè)人心臟病突發(fā)被送進(jìn)了醫(yī)院。醫(yī)生告訴他除非馬上做心臟移植手術(shù)，否則他將活不成了。“你很幸運(yùn)，我們剛好有兩個(gè)心臟在這兒，所以你必須選擇其中一個(gè)。它們分別屬于一個(gè)律師和一個(gè)社會(huì)工作者。”病人很快回答：“律師的那個(gè)。”“等等!在作決定之前，難道你不需要了解多一點(diǎn)他們的情況嗎?”病人說：“我知道的夠多的了。社會(huì)工作者都是熱心人，而律師可能從來都沒有用過他的良心。所以我選擇律師的心臟。”
八、A preacher is buying a parrotAre you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.
一個(gè)傳教士在買鸚鵡“你確信它不會(huì)尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問。“哦，絕對(duì)不會(huì)。它是一只虔誠(chéng)的鸚鵡。”店主保證說。“你看見它腿上的這些細(xì)繩了嗎?當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)右面的這根，它會(huì)背誦天主經(jīng)，當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)左面的那根，它會(huì)背誦贊美詩(shī)”“太棒了!”傳教士說，“但是如果我同時(shí)拉動(dòng)兩條繩子，會(huì)發(fā)生什么呢?”“我會(huì)從樹干上掉下去的，你這個(gè)笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說道。
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