最新英語小笑話

時間：2020-09-30 16:43:59 英語笑話我要投稿

最新英語小笑話大全

　　●What do I get? 我能得到什么?

最新英語小笑話大全

　　Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?

　　老師：如果我把一塊牛排切成兩半的兩半，我能得到幾塊兒?

　　Tommy: Quarters.

　　湯米：四塊。

　　Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?

　　老師：那我要是再切兩次，我能得到什么呢?

　　Tommy: Hamburger.

　　湯米：漢堡。

　　●我知道你會幫我 I know I could count on you

　　Smith goes to see his boss in the front office. "Boss," he says: "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic(閣樓) and the garage."

　　"We're short-handed, Smith." the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

　　"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I know I could count on you!"

　　史密斯去找他的老板。“老板，我們家明天有很重的工作要做，我妻子讓我修閣樓和車庫。”

　　“可我們很缺人，史密斯。”老板答道，“我不可能放你的假。”

　　“謝謝，老板。”史密斯說，“我就知道你會幫我。”

　　●飛機螺旋槳的用處 The purpose of the propeller

　　A: "What's the purpose of the propeller?"

　　B: "To keep the pilot cool. If you don't think so, just stop it and watch him sweat!"

　　A：飛機的螺旋槳有什么用?

　　B：為了保持飛行員涼爽。不信的話，只要停止螺旋槳轉動看看飛行員會不會滿頭大汗。

　　●貓和老鼠 Cat and Mice

　　Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.

　　" What's in your box?" asked the friend.

　　"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them."

　　"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.

　　"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.

　　貓和老鼠

　　布朗夫人去拜訪一位朋友，她拿著一個頂部扎滿了小眼兒的盒子。“盒子里裝的是什么?”朋友問道。“一只小貓，”布朗夫人回答說，“你知道我晚上睡覺總夢見老鼠，我非常害怕。這只貓可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友說。“小貓也是假想的。”布朗夫人小聲說道。

　　●一幅抽象畫 An Abstract Drawing

　　One day in a drawing class, the teacher told the class to draw an abstract(抽象的) drawing. After a while, a small boy turned his drawing in . The teacher look at it but saw nothing ,only a piece of white paper.

　　一天美術課上，老師要同學們畫一幅抽象畫，一會功夫，一個小男孩交了他的作品，老師看了看，可上面什么也沒有，只不過是一張白紙。

　　"What did you draw?" said the teacher.

　　“你畫的'是什么?”老師說

　　"A cow eats grass," the boy answered.

　　“牛吃草。”孩子達答道。

　　"Where is the grass?"

　　“草呢?”

　　"The cow has eaten it up," replied the boy.

　　“牛把它吃光了。”孩子說

　　"Well, but where is the cow?" the teacher asked again.

　　“那么，牛仔哪兒呢?”老師又問。

　　"It ate up the grass and then went away to drink water."

　　“吃完草，牛喝水去了”

　　●Dating for Mother 約會

　　When the young waitress in the café in Tom’s building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"

　　"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.

　　"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"

　　約會

　　在湯姆工作的大樓里有一個咖啡屋，那兒總有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。湯姆有些受寵若驚，因為這位小姐看上去至少比他年輕15歲。一天她又對湯姆招手并示意湯姆過去。于是湯姆走了過去。她問道，“您現(xiàn)在是單身嗎?” “對，是單身，”湯姆滿臉堆笑的說。 “我母親也是，”她說，“您愿不愿意見見她?”

　　●A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one。

　　Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam.You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!"

　　To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!"

　　一位婦女到一家帽子店買帽子。她很挑剔，用了很長時間才選好了一頂。

　　已經忍耐到極限的售貨員害怕她再改變主意，便恭維她：“你做了極好的選擇，夫人。你戴上這頂帽子看上去起碼年輕十歲!”

　　但令他沮喪的是，這位女士馬上摘下了她的帽子說：“我不想要一頂摘下來便使我立刻顯得老十歲的帽子。多拿一些帽子給我看看!”

　　●The frog青蛙

　　The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, “Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket.” He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich.

　　He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, “That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch.”

　　青蛙

　　老師正在給學生上生物課：現(xiàn)在，我將要給你們看我袋子里的這只青蛙。接著，他把手伸進口袋，卻拿出了一份雞肉三文治。老師滿臉困惑地看了一眼，沉思了一會兒，說道：真奇怪。我明明記得我已經把午飯吃掉了。

　　●I Hope So 我希望如此

　　Neighbor: Do you think your son will forget all he learned at college?

　　Father: I hope so. He certainly can't make a living by kissing girls!

　　鄰居：您認為您的兒子會把在大學里學的東西全忘光嗎?

　　父親：我希望這樣--他當然不能以吻女孩子謀生吧!

　　●Thinking Back 回憶

　　We were gathered together, all ten of us, for our widowed mother's 80th birthday. The conversation was of early struggles, walking to work and saving up in clothing clubs, when my elder sister said, "Of course, we were bound to be poor because we were such a big family. Mom, why did you have so many children?"

　　Mother looked around at us all and said, "Well, where did you want to me to stop?"

　　我們總共十個人，聚在一起祝賀已成為寡婦的媽媽的八十歲生日。談的話題是我們家早年的艱辛，走著去上班，在“新衣會”里存錢準備買衣裳。這時我姐姐說：“當然，我們的生活沒法子不艱難，因為我們家孩子太多了。媽媽，您為什么要生這么多的孩子呢?”

　　媽媽看了我們一圈說：“那么，你想讓我在哪兒停住呢?”

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