詼諧爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話

　　最希望得到的簽名

　　Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma."

　　我們大學(xué)的校報(bào)開辦了一個(gè)每周一問(wèn)的專欄。上周的問(wèn)題是：“你最想要什么人的簽名?為什么?”和預(yù)計(jì)的一樣，大部分的回答都是歌星、體育明星或者政治家。但是，最優(yōu)秀的答案來(lái)自一個(gè)一年級(jí)新生，他說(shuō)：“在我畢業(yè)證上簽字的那個(gè)人。”

　　記得這幾天不要抽煙

　　A much worried patient walked into doctor's office asking for help: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday!"

　　"Oh, Don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days!" The doctor replied.

　　候診室里坐著一位憂心忡忡的病人，當(dāng)醫(yī)生傳喚他時(shí)，他滿面愁容的說(shuō)：“醫(yī)生，怎么辦?我昨天誤喝下一瓶汽油!”

　　醫(yī)生回答他說(shuō)：“喔，沒(méi)關(guān)系啦!記得這幾天不要抽煙!”

　　最丑的孩子?

　　A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

　　一位女士抱著她的寶寶上公交車，司機(jī)看到后說(shuō)：“額，那是我這輩子見過(guò)的最丑的小孩。”

　　The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

　　女士走到車廂后面坐下，感到很憤怒。她對(duì)旁邊的男士說(shuō)：“司機(jī)剛剛羞辱了我。”男士回應(yīng)說(shuō)：“你快上去斥責(zé)他。去吧，我替你抱著你的猴子。”

　　成功的關(guān)鍵

　　One day a father was teaching his son and said, "The keys to your success are keeping your word and cleverness. Once you give somebody a promise, you must carry it out on matter what will happen. This is called 'keeping one's words.'"

　　"What is cleverness?" asked his son.

　　"Cleverness is that you'll never make such a promise," the father answered.

　　一天，父親教育兒子說(shuō)：“一個(gè)人成功的關(guān)鍵就是嚴(yán)守諾言和足夠聰明。一旦你給了別人承諾，無(wú)論發(fā)生什么事，你都得實(shí)現(xiàn)它，這個(gè)就叫‘守諾言’。”

　　兒子問(wèn)：“那么什么是聰明呢?”

　　父親回答：“聰明就是任何時(shí)候都別做這樣的承諾。”

　　一分鐘一百萬(wàn)

　　A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second."

　　一男子進(jìn)入教堂和上帝對(duì)話.他問(wèn):"主啊, 一百萬(wàn)美元對(duì)你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問(wèn):"那一百萬(wàn)年呢?"上帝說(shuō):"一秒鐘."最后男子請(qǐng)求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過(guò)一秒鐘."

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