精選幽默爆笑的英語笑話

　　粗心的理發(fā)員

　　Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?

　　Customer: No.

　　Barber: Oh, then I must have cut your throat.

　　理發(fā)員：你進(jìn)來時(shí)是不是系著紅圍巾?

　　顧客：沒有呀。

　　理發(fā)員：噢，那我肯定弄破了你的喉嚨。

　　A maintenance man in a cemetery

　　He is really somebody My uncle has 1000 men under him. He is really somebody. What does he do? A maintenance man in a cemetery.

　　他真是一個(gè)大人物，我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人。他真是一個(gè)大人物。干什么的'?墓地守墓人。

　　你以為你是誰?Who do you think you are?

　　The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.

　　“It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”

　　“I am the driver.” he said.

　　公共汽車上很擠，當(dāng)又一個(gè)人還是試圖上車時(shí)，乘客們不讓他上。

　　“車上太擠了，”他們喊道，“你以為你是誰?”

　　“我是司機(jī)!”他說。

　　把腳放進(jìn)去

　　The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle, and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply.

　　"Yes, Madam?" questioned the pupil, "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"

　　一個(gè)女學(xué)生坐在座位上，嘴里起勁地嚼著口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發(fā)現(xiàn)了。“瑪麗!”老師嚴(yán)厲地叫她。

　　“什么事，老師?”這女學(xué)生問。“把口香糖從嘴里拿出來，把腳放進(jìn)去。”

　　拿破侖病了

　　Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year."He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.""No, no, that's quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!""Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."

　　杰克到一所大學(xué)去學(xué)歷史。第一學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，歷史課教授沒讓他及格，校讓他退學(xué)。然而，杰克的父親決定去見教授，強(qiáng)烈要求讓杰克繼續(xù)來年的學(xué)業(yè)。“他是個(gè)好孩子，”杰克的父親說，“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會(huì)有很大進(jìn)步，學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，他一定會(huì)考好的。”“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答，“你知道嗎?上個(gè)月我問他拿破侖什么時(shí)候死的，他都不知道。”“先生，請(qǐng)?jiān)俳o他一次機(jī)會(huì)吧。”杰克的父親說，“你不知道，恐怕是因?yàn)槲覀兗覜]有訂報(bào)紙，我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道。”

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