絕對(duì)笑到你肚子疼的英語(yǔ)笑話
導(dǎo)語(yǔ)：你知道學(xué)些笑話的好處么?當(dāng)?shù)谝淮我?jiàn)面的時(shí)候，總是有不知道該說(shuō)什么的尷尬，這時(shí)候你就需要一些笑話，來(lái)緩解一下氣氛呢，這里小編為你收集整理了絕對(duì)笑到你肚子疼的英語(yǔ)笑話，希望能對(duì)你有所幫助哈!
1 One day a little white rabbit went to a bakery and asked, "Have you got 100 buns?"
一天有只小白兔來(lái)到面包店問(wèn)：“請(qǐng)問(wèn)你們有100個(gè)小面包嗎?”
The shopkeeper answered, "Sorry, we don't have that many."
老板回答：“抱歉我們沒(méi)有那么多。”
"Oh, that's a pity!" said the rabbit and left, disappointed.
“哦，太遺憾了。”小白兔失望地離開(kāi)了。
The second day the little white rabbit went to the bakery again and asked, "Have you got 100 buns?"
第二天小白兔又來(lái)到那個(gè)面包店問(wèn)：“請(qǐng)問(wèn)你們有100個(gè)小面包嗎?”
The shopkeeper again answered, "Sorry, we don't have that many."
老板仍回答：“抱歉我們沒(méi)有那么多。”
"Oh, it's a pity," said the rabbit, and again left, disappointed.
“哦，太遺憾了。”小白兔又失望地離開(kāi)了。
The third day the little white rabbit went again to the bakery and asked, "Have you got 100 buns?"
第三天小白兔依然來(lái)到那家面包店，問(wèn)：“請(qǐng)問(wèn)你們有100個(gè)小面包嗎?”
"Oh, yes we have 100 buns today!" the shopkeeper answered gladly.
“啊是的，今天我們有100個(gè)小面包啦!”老板高興地回答。
"That's great, I'll buy two, thank you!"
“那太好啦!我買(mǎi)2個(gè)，謝謝!”
The shopkeeper stood silently.
老板無(wú)語(yǔ)了……
2 An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.
"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"
With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."
以為藝術(shù)家在一個(gè)畫(huà)廊辦了個(gè)展覽，他問(wèn)店主是否有人對(duì)他參展的畫(huà)感興趣。
“我有一個(gè)好消息和一個(gè)壞消息。”店主回答。
“先告訴我好消息。”畫(huà)家要求道。
“好消息是一位紳士詢問(wèn)了你的作品，還問(wèn)它是否會(huì)在你死后增。我告訴他會(huì)的，然后他買(mǎi)下了你所有的15幅畫(huà)作。”
“那太棒了!”畫(huà)家驚嘆。“那么什么會(huì)是壞消息呢?”
店主想了想之后說(shuō)：“問(wèn)那個(gè)問(wèn)題的`是你的醫(yī)生”。
3 Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
John: "What do you think it is, sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"‘
老師：“John，動(dòng)詞ring的過(guò)去分詞是什么?”。
約翰：“你想它是什么呢”?
老師：“我不用想，我知道!”。
約翰：“我想我不知道”。
4 One night just before Valentine's Day a woman had a lovely dream about a beautiful necklace.
When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it could mean?"
"You'll find out on Valentine's Day." he said with a knowing smile.
On Valentine's Day, the man gave his delighted wife a beautifully wrapped package.
Excitedly, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".
情人節(jié)前一天，一個(gè)女人做了個(gè)項(xiàng)鏈的夢(mèng)。
當(dāng)她醒來(lái)，她和她丈夫說(shuō)：“我剛夢(mèng)到你情人節(jié)給了我一根珍珠項(xiàng)鏈。你說(shuō)那是什么含義呢?”。
“到情人節(jié)那天你就會(huì)知道了。”他笑著說(shuō)。
情人節(jié)那天，男人給了他老婆一個(gè)禮盒。
她很興奮地打開(kāi)，看到的卻是一本書(shū)，書(shū)名是《夢(mèng)的解析》。
5 A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
有一只小白兔快樂(lè)地奔跑在森林中, 在路上它碰到一只正在卷大麻的長(zhǎng)頸鹿。小白兔看著長(zhǎng)頸鹿說(shuō)道：“長(zhǎng)頸鹿我的朋友，你為什么要做這種事呢?和我一起在森林中奔跑吧，你會(huì)感覺(jué)心情舒暢很多!”長(zhǎng)頸鹿看看小白兔，又看看手里的大麻煙，把大麻煙向身后一扔，跟著小白兔在森林中奔跑。
Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his coke, then tosses it and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
后來(lái)它們遇到一只正準(zhǔn)備吸食可卡因的大象，小白兔又對(duì)大象說(shuō)：“大象我的朋友，你為什么要做這種事呢?想想自己的健康啊。跟我們一起在這片美麗的森林中奔跑吧，你會(huì)感覺(jué)好很多!”大象看看它們，又看看手中的可卡因，于是把可卡因向身后一扔，跟著小白兔和長(zhǎng)頸鹿一起奔跑。
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit again says, "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!"
后來(lái)它們遇到一只正準(zhǔn)備注射毒品的獅子，小白兔又對(duì)獅子說(shuō)：“獅子我的朋友，你為什么要做這種事呢?想想自己的健康啊!跟我們一起在這片陽(yáng)光明媚的森林中奔跑吧，你會(huì)感覺(jué)如此美好!”
The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the rabbit. As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"
獅子看看小白兔，放下手中的針筒，把小白兔猛揍了一頓。長(zhǎng)頸鹿和大象被嚇壞了，它們看著獅子問(wèn)它：“獅子，你為什么要打小白兔呢?它只是想要幫助我們大家啊!”
The lion answers, "He makes me run around the forest like an idiot each time he's on ecstasy!"
獅子回答：“這家伙每次嗑了搖頭丸就拉著我像白癡一樣在森林里亂跑!”
6 Improvement
One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"
"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."
進(jìn)步
一位學(xué)生對(duì)另一位說(shuō)：“你的 英語(yǔ) 最近學(xué)的怎么樣?”
“很好，我過(guò)去不懂英國(guó)人說(shuō)話，可現(xiàn)在是英國(guó)人不懂我的話了。”
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