絕對逗笑你的爆笑英語笑話

　　愛笑的人，運氣總不會太差，因為笑可以讓人充滿正能量，更能讓自己面對挫折，勇往直前，這里YJBYS小編收集整理了絕對逗笑你的爆笑英語笑話，讓你爆笑每一天。

　　1 One real man

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(嚴格地，嚴厲地).

　　Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(勸告，建議) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

　　It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(膽小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.

　　Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.

　　一個真正的男子漢

　　古代有一個國王，他想證明他領(lǐng)土內(nèi)的男人并非像人們傳說的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說，哪個男人膽敢不說實話，就會受到嚴厲的懲罰。

　　然后，他叫所有聽從妻子的命令和意見的男人都走向大廳的左側(cè)。所有的男人都站到了左側(cè)，只有一個小個子男人站到了右側(cè)。

　　國王說：看到我們國家里還有一個真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什么在他們當(dāng)中只有你一個人站在大廳的右側(cè)。

　　陛下，那人尖聲地回答：因為在我出門之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。

　　2 Once there was a king. He likes to write stories, but his stories were not good. As people were afraid of him, they all said his stories were good.

　　One day the king showed his stories to a famous writer. He waited the writer to praise these stories. But the writer said his stories were so bad that he should throw them into fire. The king got very angry with him and sent him to prison.

　　After some time, the king set him free. Again he showed him some of his new stories and asked what he thought of them.

　　After reading them, the writer at once turned to the soldiers and said: “ Take me back to prison, please.”

　　國王和他的故事

　　從前有一個國王，他喜歡寫故事，但是他寫的故事很不好。人們怕他，都說他的故事好。有一天國王把他的故事給一名作家看，他想要作家贊揚他的這些故事，而作家說他的故事是如此的差以至于該扔進火里。國王很生氣，把他送到監(jiān)獄。

　　過了些日子，國王給了作家自由。國王重新將自己的一些新故事給作家看并問他感覺怎么樣。

　　作家看了之后立刻轉(zhuǎn)身對士兵說著;“請把我送回監(jiān)獄吧。”

　　3 Once a simpleton’s wife told him to buy some ice.

　　Two hours later, he didn’t come back. She wanted to know why he didn’t come back and went out to have a look. She saw he was standing in the sun at the gate and watching the ice melting.

　　“What’s the matter?” She asked him. “Why don’t you bring it in?”

　　“I saw the ice was wet and I was afraid that you would scold me so I’m running it dry.” The simpleton answered.

　　從前有一個笨人的妻子讓她的丈夫買幾塊冰。

　　兩個小時后，他還沒回來。

　　她想知道他為什么沒回來，就出去看了看，發(fā)現(xiàn)她的丈夫在門口站著，在太陽下曬冰，看著冰融化。

　　她問他：“怎么啦?你為什么不把它拿進來?”

　　“我看見冰是濕的，恐怕你會訓(xùn)斥我，因此，我正在把它曬干。”笨人回答道。

　　4 A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn?t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, Don't worry. You'll never have to go to jail with all that money.And the lawyer was right. When The man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.

　　一個男子因為侵吞雇主數(shù)百萬元被抓,他去尋求律師辯護。他不想進監(jiān)獄。但是，他的律師告訴他，“不要擔(dān)心。你將永遠不會和這些錢一起入獄。律師是正確的。當(dāng)男子被送往監(jiān)獄，他沒有剩一分錢。

　　5 A Brain TransplantThe Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant. You have your choice of two brains, he told the patien. For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician. The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. Is the brain of a politician that much better? he asked. The Brain Surgeon replied, No, it’s not better, just unused.

　　腦移植手術(shù)一個外科醫(yī)生正要作一個腦移植手術(shù)。 你可以從兩個腦子中選一個給你。醫(yī)生告訴病人，一個心理學(xué)家的大腦1000美元，一個政治家的大腦10000美元。 病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，政治家的大腦好一些嗎?他問。 醫(yī)生說，不是好一些，只是沒有用過。

　　6 A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The balding man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying them all.

　　His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

　　"But why?" asks the man.

　　"I'm a divorce lawyer."

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