英文小笑話大全爆笑

　　總是有些時(shí)候莫名其妙的不開(kāi)心，心情不佳的時(shí)候就會(huì)辦什么都不在狀態(tài)，你會(huì)這樣么?這里小編收集整理了英文小笑話大全爆笑，讓你的心情速速好起來(lái)。

　　有其父必有其子

　　Son: Papa, what' s the meaning of " Like father, like son"?

　　Father: Bastard. What another scandalous thing have you done in the school?

　　可以選擇

　　The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.

　　One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear, what will we eat today?"

　　The wife said, "You may select the dish today."

　　The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there today?"

　　"Cabbage."

　　"The others?"

　　"None."

　　"Then how to select?"

　　"Eat or not eat!" the wife said.

　　我想安安靜靜地休息一下

　　"May I borrow your record player tonight ?" a man asked his neighbour .

　　"Sure . Do you want to listen to some music?"

　　"No ." he answered ." Tonight I want to have some peace and quiet."

　　誰(shuí)說(shuō)我老了?

　　Chaucer was over seventy , but he was not convinced of his age. At a time he boasted: “Myphysical strength is as strong as that I was young.” The opposite person asked: “ What do yourely on? ”

　　Chaucer said : “ There is a big stone roller in my compound. I couldn’t heave it whenwas young, neither can I now.”

　　購(gòu)物

　　Our supermarket had a sald on boneless chicken breasts,and a woman I know ontended to stock up .

　　At the store,However,she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portopns of the poultry,

　　so she complained to the butcher.

　　"don't worry,lady," he said.

　　"I will pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."

　　Several aisles later ,my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over th public-address system:

　　"Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store?"

　　因禍得福

　　Although my mother，a native of Japan, has lived for 55 years in the United States，she has not adapted complete1y to the cultural change. This is especiallly obvious during her infrequent forays into a large city.

　　One day she boarded a bus in Los Angeles，deposited a $5 bill in the coin box and held out her hand for change.Because the coin box is not built to accept paper money，the bus driver growled:“Okay，lady. If you get that bill out,you can ride for free. Otherwise we're going to have to dis-mantle this coin box."

　　My mother hesitated but a moment, then opened her purse，took out a pair of chopsticks，retrieved the bill and smiled as she took her seat.

　　兩全齊美

　　Early one morning, my next-door neighbor set to work with a power hedge-trimmer. He was half through the job when a neighbor appeared，still in his pajamas. He was carrying his own power clipper and offered his help, which was gratefully accepted. When the job was done, my neighbor thanked his benefactor，commenting that it had been "a real neighborly act".

　　"Don't mention it，“replied the other man. "I figured,by helping you，it would only take half as long and I could get back to sleep!"

　　不必付錢!

　　Driving through the hill country of Texas，just north of San Antonio，we watched the sky turn a brilliant orange at sunset. At my wife's pleading，we stopped and walked up a hill，which turned out to be the top of a cliff. Before us lay the picturesque postcard setting we had been looking for

　　during all our vacation. Below was a large green valley circled by hills. Exhilarated by the tangerine sky, long shadows，and a slight breeze carrying the scent of green grass，my wife suddenly shouted:“Thank you，Mother Nature，for so much beautyl”

　　Then, a distant voice was heard from across the valley:"No charge!”

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