最新美國晚間脫口秀笑話

　　"Bill Clinton revealed that he now supports same-sex marriage, even though he opposed it during his presidency. To be fair, during his presidency, he also opposed his own marriage." --Jimmy Fallon

　　比爾·克林頓透露說雖然他在總統任期內反對同性婚姻，現在他支持了。咱們公平點說，在他的任期內，他連自己的婚姻都反對的。——吉米·法倫

　　"President Obama's teleprompter fell to the ground and shattered yesterday during a speech on the economy. Wow, even speeches about the economy are crashing." --Jimmy Fallon

　　奧巴馬總統的提詞機昨天在一場關于經濟的演講中掉到了地上摔碎了。哇哦，連關于經濟的演說都能崩潰。——吉米·法倫

　　"President Obama is going to be working in the broadcast booth during the All-Star Game. Everybody says, 'Oh, that's cute.' But let me tell you something. You know the economy is bad when the President has to take a second gig." --David Letterman

　　奧巴馬總統在全明星賽中會參與直播間的工作。每個人都說，“哦，那太好了。”我跟你們說，看看現在經濟都壞到總統都得找份兼職了。——大衛(wèi)·萊特曼

　　"As I watched the press conference, I realized finally we have a candidate for the people who loved George Bush's certainty but were bothered by his rationality and executive experience." --Jon Stewart, on Sarah Palin's resignation (Watch video clip)

　　我看著記者招待會，我意識到對那些既愛著喬治·布什的篤定，又被他的`合理性和執(zhí)政經驗所困擾的人來說，終于有一個候選人了。——喬·斯圖爾特評論莎拉·佩林的辭職

　　"South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is trying to bounce back from his sex scandal. Sanford has cleared his schedule this week to take a personal trip with his wife. Isn't that nice? Sanford said he wanted to go somewhere exotic and romantic, but he's going to get this trip with his wife out of the way first." --Conan O'Brien

　　南卡羅來納州州長馬克·桑福德正在試圖從性丑聞中挽救自己。桑福德本周推掉了其他安排，和他的妻子來了個私人旅行。這不是很好嘛?桑福德說他想去個有情調的浪漫的地兒，不過他首先要做的是帶著他妻子去偏僻的地兒。——柯南·奧布萊恩

　　"How about that Harry Potter movie? Opened today as a matter of fact. In this one, Harry goes up against Dick Cheney and his secret CIA hit squad." --David Letterman

　　《哈利·波特》這電影怎么樣?這電影今天開始公映了。在這部片子里，哈利和迪克·切尼以及他秘密的中情局暗殺隊。——大衛(wèi)·萊特曼

　　"So now it turns out that Dick Cheney, while he was Vice President, had a private deal going with the CIA And he goes to the CIA -- and those guys are pretty good at keeping a secret -- and he goes to the CIA, and he says, 'Boys, this will just be between you and me. We're going to run our own antiterrorism program. You and me. Don't tell Congress.' Eight years this was going on. And when I heard this, I said to myself, 'Gosh, that doesn't sound like the Dick Cheney I know.'" --David Letterman

　　現在看來是迪克·切尼，在當副總統的時候，和CIA有個私下交易。他走到中情局——這些家伙最擅長保密——他走到中情局，然后說，孩子們，這些事情只有咱們知道，咱們要開始反恐計劃了，就咱們。別跟國會說啊。這件事進行了八年。當我聽說這個時候，我跟我自己說，“老天，這可不像我知道的迪克·切尼。”——大衛(wèi)·萊特曼

　　"They tried to get a hold of Cheney for comment, but his staff said, 'No, no, you can't talk to Cheney. He's taking a hike on the Appalachian Trail.'" --David Letterman

　　他們試圖讓迪克·切尼做出回應，但是他的工作人員說，“不行不行，你不能和切尼說話，他現在在阿巴那切亞山道遠足哪。”——大衛(wèi)·萊特曼

　　提示：阿巴那切亞山是當初桑福德失蹤的時候他手下的人對外宣稱他去的地方。

　　"Very secret operation, went on for eight years. Nobody knew anything about it. The only thing they knew was that it was called 'Operation Hunting Accident.'" --David Letterman

　　真是太秘密的行動了，八年啊。沒有人知道這件事，他們知道的唯一一件事是這個計劃叫做“打獵事故行動”。——大衛(wèi)·萊特曼

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