英語(yǔ)短篇笑話匯集2015
兩個(gè)笨賊
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"
兩個(gè)盜賊在一家旅館偷東西。第一個(gè)說(shuō)：“我聽(tīng)到警報(bào)響了，快跳吧!” 第二個(gè)說(shuō)：“但是我們現(xiàn)在在第13層啊!” 第一個(gè)尖叫著回敬他：“都什么時(shí)候了，還這么迷信!”
結(jié)婚的花費(fèi)
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
小男孩問(wèn)他的父親：“爸爸，結(jié)婚要花多少錢(qián)?”
His father replied, "I don't know, son, because I'm still paying for it now."
他的父親回答說(shuō)：“兒子，我不知道，因?yàn)槲椰F(xiàn)在還在為它付賬呢。”
理發(fā)師
Harry: "My big brother shaves every day."
哈里：“我哥哥每天都刮臉。”
Henry: "My brother shaves fifty times a day."
亨利：“我哥哥每天刮50次臉。”
Harry: "Is he crazy?"
哈里：“他瘋了嗎?”
Henry: "No, he's a barber."
亨利：“沒(méi)有，他是一名理發(fā)師。”
年少無(wú)知
Jimmy is three years old.
吉米3歲了。
One day, he was gazing out of the window when the night fell. He suddenly shouted, "Mum, mum, come close the window!"
一天，他正在窗口觀望，夜幕降臨。他突然喊道：“媽媽，媽媽，快來(lái)關(guān)窗!”
"Why? It's not cold, sonny."
“為什么?天不冷呀，寶貝。”
"Yes, mum, but the night will come inside."
“是的，媽媽，可黑夜會(huì)進(jìn)來(lái)。”
快速靠岸
A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location." "I-75, two miles south of Standish." After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"
在休倫湖釣完魚(yú)后，我的.一個(gè)朋友開(kāi)車(chē)拖著他的船回家。路上車(chē)壞了。 他沒(méi)帶手機(jī)，不過(guò)，他想，也許他可以通過(guò)海事無(wú)線廣播來(lái)請(qǐng)求公路援助。 于是，他爬到他的船里面，啟動(dòng)了無(wú)線裝置，喊道，“求救，求救”。一名海岸護(hù)衛(wèi)隊(duì)警官作出了回應(yīng)，“報(bào)告你的位置”。“I-75號(hào)公路，Standish的南面兩英里”。沉默了好一會(huì)之后，警官問(wèn)我的朋友，“你的船靠岸時(shí)開(kāi)得有多快?”
有效
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
湯姆早上老起不來(lái)，所以上班總是遲到。他的老板非常生氣，警告他如果他不能有所改善的話就炒他的魷魚(yú)。于是，湯姆去看醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生給了他一顆藥丸并告訴他要在睡覺(jué)前服下這顆藥。湯姆照醫(yī)生的話做了，睡得非常之好，事實(shí)上，他在早上鬧鐘響之前就起來(lái)了。湯姆從容不迫地吃完早餐，然后興高采烈地開(kāi)車(chē)上班去了。 “老板”，湯姆說(shuō)，“那藥真管用，我的睡眠好極了!” “是夠管用的，”老板說(shuō)，“問(wèn)題是，昨天你人哪去了”?
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