笑破肚皮的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)集錦
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)既能讓我們爆笑，也能讓我們學(xué)到英語(yǔ)知識(shí)，何樂(lè)而不為呢?今天我們就一起來(lái)看看笑破肚皮的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)集錦吧!
笑破肚皮的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)集錦(一)
沒(méi)把頭發(fā)全剪掉啊
Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut.
麥爾斯有時(shí)在上班時(shí)間去理發(fā)館理發(fā)，
But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time.
但這是違反辦公室規(guī)定的：職員只能利用自己的時(shí)間理發(fā)。
While Miles was at the barber's one day,
一天，正當(dāng)麥爾斯理發(fā)時(shí)，
the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.
經(jīng)理碰巧也進(jìn)來(lái)理發(fā)，而且就坐在他旁邊。
"Hello, Miles," the manager said.
“你好，麥爾斯，”經(jīng)理說(shuō)。"
I see that you are having your hair cut in office time."
“我看到你在上班時(shí)間理發(fā)了。”
"Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly.
“是的，先生。正是這樣。”麥爾斯平靜地承認(rèn)了。
"You see, sir, it grows in office time."
可先生，你看，頭發(fā)是在上班時(shí)間長(zhǎng)的。“
"Not all of it," said the manager at once.
“不全都是吧，”經(jīng)理立刻說(shuō)，"
Some of it grows in your own time."
“有一些是在你自己的'時(shí)間里長(zhǎng)的。”
"Yes, sir, that's quite true."
“對(duì)呀，先生，你說(shuō)得很對(duì)。”
Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."
麥爾斯禮貌地回答說(shuō)，“但我并沒(méi)有把頭發(fā)全都剪掉啊。”
笑破肚皮的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)集錦(二)
你和我是候選人
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon.
So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation.
"All who want to go to heaven, please rise."
Everyone got up except the snorer.
After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced,
"All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start ， the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpi——
"Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on,
but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧師非常生氣，因?yàn)榭傆幸粋�(gè)人在他說(shuō)教時(shí)打瞌睡。
一個(gè)星期天，正當(dāng)坐在前排的那個(gè)人又在瞌睡時(shí)，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，
讓他不要再在布道時(shí)睡覺(jué)。
于是他低聲對(duì)信徒們說(shuō)：“想去天堂的人，都請(qǐng)站起來(lái)吧。”
所有的人都站了起來(lái)——
當(dāng)然，除了那個(gè)打瞌睡的人。
在低聲說(shuō)過(guò)請(qǐng)坐后，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的人請(qǐng)站起來(lái)!”
打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來(lái)。
看到牧師高站在教壇上，正生氣的看著他。
這個(gè)人說(shuō)道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們?cè)谶x什么，
但看上去只有你和我是候選人。”
笑破肚皮的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)集錦(三)
耳朵還在我衣兜里
Ivan came home with a bloody nose
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。
and his mother asked, "What happened?"
他媽媽問(wèn)，“發(fā)生了什么事?”
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.“
一個(gè)男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說(shuō)。
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
“再見(jiàn)到他你能認(rèn)出來(lái)嗎?”媽媽問(wèn)。
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan.
“他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他，”伊凡說(shuō)。
"I have his ear in my pocket."
“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。”
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